Ways to Improve My Communications

                                                          By Lisa Martin

I am learning so much about the art of effective communication, and my shortcomings as a communicator. This course is making me pay closer attention to how I speak and listen to others, and I am discovering I am not the great communicator I thought myself to be. For years, my family and close friends have told me I have different styles of speech depending on to who I am speaking, which I adamantly denied. Now I listen to me and I know exactly to what they refer. My speech takes on a more sophisticated and structured form when I am discussing business or simply at work. At work I operate from a position of centralized power. On the other hand, when I get around my family power is of little importance and my tone is more relaxed, with less attention paid to vocabulary choices and grammar. When I am around just my girlfriends or a group of younger people I tend to use slang and try very hard to sound cool and worldly. I think that these communication changes from group to group make me a more effective communicator with each particular group. Most importantly, I am always listening to those around me, and believe I am a good listener.

As I consider ways to improve my communication, listening is not an area I will be focusing on, although I know there is room for improvement. My first strategy for improving my communication skills will be to get a better handle on my use of body language. I would like to begin with controlling or eliminating some of my adaptors. I sometimes unconsciously repeatedly tuck my hair behind my ears or brush back my bangs though it is uncalled for; it is a sort of nervous reaction when I am talking to a client. I also tend to shake or bounce one leg during difficult negotiations.  I believe these physical gestures are seen for what they are a lack of certainty at that moment, and in order to be perceived as totally confident I need to control them. I also need to work on my masking skills. People can often take one look at me and know something is bothering me or I do not agree with what they are saying. It will serve me well when speaking with families and colleagues within the early childhood field if my “expression represented an appropriate feeling or response to any given interaction” (O’Hair & Weimann, 2012, p. 136).

The area I want to focus on the most for improvement is cultural context and intercultural communication competence. I need to understand how different identities and schema may influence the reception of my messages by others. If I am to be a successful anti-bias early educator, I must be able to speak to people in a way that will result in the most positive perception and reception of my ideas. “This calls for constant self-reflection and the ability to reflect on influences and the nature of the influences themselves” (Vuckovic, 2008, p. 48). I will need to study the behaviors of different cultures, and understand the history behind beliefs and customs. If I listen well enough and ask the right questions, I will gather enough knowledge of others to be able to ascertain what they might want and what is most important to them. This knowledge will allow me to use the platinum rule on occasion.

I want very much to support the children and families I serve, by improving their equity and quality of life. I want to be able to lead by example through my advocacy and teach them to advocate and stand up for their children. The only way I can achieve these goals is by constantly working to become a more effective communicator, competent in intercultural communications.

O’Hair, D. & Weimann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction (2^nd ed.). Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

 

 

 

 

 

Turn Up the Volume Please – Maybe Not

                                      By Lisa Martin

These communication blogs are becoming quite challenging. I watch a good deal of television, but this week I had to watch a show I had never seen, without sound. The only thing I like to watch without sound is some ball games because the commentators are annoying. I was also not interested in watching a new show. I chose a program called Family Tools, because an actress from an old show I liked stars in it. It is a thirty minute sitcom, and after a great deal of rewinding this is what I deduced without sound.

The show begins with an older man lying on kitchen floor with his hand on his chest – perhaps he fell or is having a heart attack. A younger man and woman go about getting breakfast, all while an intense disagreement is taking place. I know they are arguing because the old man is yelling and the woman is using exaggerated facial expressions to convey her disappointment and disgust, her nonverbal cues include eye rolling, head shaking and finger pointing. She is also doing some sort of negotiating with the older man as I see paramedics waiting for ok to enter home, and she holds up her hand in a wait gesture and looks to old man for a response. I never knew I could read so much from the body language and facial expressions of others. I see the sarcasm in the woman’s face, as well as the exasperation in the man’s face.

As I continue to watch the program, I deduce that the older man is reluctantly handing over the family business to his son due to health issues. He does not seem to have much confidence in his son, and they do not communicate, the aunt is always playing arbitrator. They have a handy man type business, and between the few employees and potential customers they are surrounded by some interesting and eccentric characters. The son’s assistant is of little help, as in one scene he is holding a puppy, which I think the son is trying to get him to get rid of, while the truck is being robbed. The attractive young woman who works in the shop flirts with the son. Of course, I would have had a much better idea of what was happening were this a program I had seen before or better yet watched regularly.

I actually did pretty well without any sound. The younger woman is the old man’s sister and he is having a heart attack. She is denying him medical attention until he agrees to retire and take care of himself, so I was correct about the negotiating. The old man reluctantly hands the repair business over to his son. The son and the assistant are a pair of incompetents, who constantly argue; rather than really communicate with each other they talk about the other in their presence to third parties via cell phones, pretending they are talking about someone else. The sister is extremely sarcastic, and because it’s television her facial expressions are overemphasized. I found the show to be stupid and far from funny, and expect it to be canceled quickly.

On the other hand, I learned people say a lot without speaking. The affect displays, kinesics, and illustrators seemed magnified, but that may be a by-product of bad acting. A horrible show is equally bad with or without sound, actually it was a bit better in silence, as you can only guess at the corniness of the lines being spoken.

My Idea of a Great Communicator

                                                By Lisa Martin

I am taking a course in communication this semester and have been asked to blog about someone whose communication skills I admire. My first thought was to go with a historical figure like Gandhi or Mother Theresa or even President Obama, but I have never had a conversation with any of them and decided to look closer to home. I chose my Uncle Junior because he had a way of speaking that made the listener feel important and special, while coming across as both knowledgeable and compassionate. Whether he was lecturing his daughter’s date or explaining to me how to choose the right college he was authoritative, yet caring, with a sense of humor.

One minute he could be spouting technical terms and giving instructions to one of the IT guys, and the next he could be explaining to me what he had just told the person to do in language that I fully understood. He was also a great listener. People sometimes forget the importance of listening in communication.  Sometimes, he would let me go on and on about something or someone, and then tell me in such a nice and non-judgmental way that I was wrong or I had not handled the situation correctly. My uncle had to operate in many different realms of communication both professionally and personally, like many of us, and he transitioned from one to another without pause or incident. He went from managing dozens of highly skilled computer geeks, to counseling incarcerated young men, to escorting my cousin to her debutante ball, to drinking with the guys, and everyone understood him and he understood them.

You may not always agree with what he was saying, but you respected him. He did not always agree with you, but he respected your right to your opinion and always demonstrated the compassion or empathy the listener deserved.  He was quick to stop you midsentence if you were making inflammatory or derogatory comments about an individual or group not present to defend themselves. He had no tolerance for bigotry or the spreading of gossip. My uncle was an imposing figure of a man, a former Marine standing at about six feet four inches, but his words gave him all the power and strength he ever needed.