Adjourning the Team

                                      By Lisa Martin

There are times when I cannot wait for phase five of a project to occur – adjourning, the end, and there are times when I hate to see a project come to a close.  There was the class project with the lack of leadership and varying degrees of commitment from the members that I wanted to end as soon as it began; and when it finally was over adjournment was like high school graduation with the phony good wishes scribbled in a yearbook.  We all wished each other luck and success in our studies, and did not speak of the hurt feelings, control issues, or failure to complete tasks displayed during the project. We had received a decent grade and that was all that mattered.

Projects at work tend to adjourn a little differently, as the end of the project is not really the end. Usually someone is assigned to follow up and provide oversight on the implementation of changes and evaluate whether or not the solution derived from the group project works as well in practice as it seemed it would in theory. If it was a major project, the type that saved jobs or cut costs, adjourning may include a champagne toast and a nice dinner on the company. Company- wide projects sometimes have that graduation-like component as we bid farewell to colleagues from out of town, offering well wishes and congratulations on a job well done.

My favorite adjournments result from my preferred type of team endeavor, event planning. In this instance, the adjourning occurs simultaneously with the culmination of our efforts. At the same time we are enjoying the idea of the project being completed, we are discovering how well we did. The greater the success of our project; the more fun we have during the adjourning stage. I have had events that were great achievements, and the team members let their hair down and enjoyed themselves alongside the people for whom they had planned the celebration. In a couple of instances, the leadership provided the team with thank you gifts for a job well done; this is my favorite type of adjourning. I have also had events that did not turn out so well, and the team spent the evening going over the things that went wrong, why they went wrong, and how they could be corrected in the future. Needless to say, this is among my least favorite ways of adjourning.

Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution

                                                                   By Lisa Martin

I am enjoying mastering the art of effective communication, and would love to apply some of my recent lessons on nonviolent communication, the three R’s and the third side to current disagreements or conflicts. Fortunately, I have not been involved in any disagreements in months, which is especially hard to believe when you take into consideration I have been married for more than twenty years.  I think this has more to do with not working and having limited interaction with others outside the home, and less to do with my communication skills. I know of conflicts and disagreements around me, but am not involved first hand.  I will for this assignment take the part of one of the main characters in a conflict brought to my attention today by a friend. Like they say on television, the stories are true but the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Every year the church has a Father’s Day celebration for the Pastor, a dinner usually at the home of a member with several families from the church attending. This year they decided to do something different and have a catered affair. Aretha and I have organized the event and gotten a caterer we know to give us a huge discount, so it will only cost $25/person. We also have to cover the cost of the Pastor’s family which would be an additional $100. We suggest that each of the five families attending, contribute an addition $20, and immediately get two cancellations. Now there is a big disagreement because the members do not want to pay for the Pastor’s family. Aretha has offered to pay the entire $100, but I am opposed to this because it is not fair to her. At this point we are simply trying to contain and hopefully resolve the situation with the next forty-eight hours.

One thing I realize right away is that we should have asked the families for suggestions and if each of them donating twenty more dollars was a feasible option, but we presented it more as a demand not giving any other option. We also failed to give any consideration to the possible validity of their opposition to paying for the Pastor’s children.  We never went to the balcony to get a new perspective. We are calling another meeting to discuss the arrangements and asking that the families that dropped out, and others who may want to participate also attend. We will assume the third side, asking open ended questions and seeking other ideas to cover the cost. We will also discuss the pros and cons of paying for the Pastor’s children. I think that once we openly discuss this rather small issue and hear the reasons for the objections, and respond to them with compassion and honesty we will be able to reach a compromise and resolve the situation. Rather than control the meeting Aretha and I will serve as objective mediators and bridge the gap to compromise, serving as peacemakers.

 

Evaluating My Communication Style

                                                By Lisa Martin

I have to admit I was very curious to see what my family and colleagues thought of my communication style, if they thought I was overly aggressive or nervous when I spoke. I was surprised to find that there was not much difference in how I perceive my communication skills and how my sister and co-worker rated them. I often think I come off too aggressive, but my evaluators actually found me less moderately aggressive than I judged myself to be. We were all within the moderate range, but they gave me lower scores. I was glad to learn I am not the aggressor I thought I was, as this was a concern I had as I contemplated how to better communicate with families and colleagues in the early education field. I had always been told I have a tendency to be bossy, and I want very much to be a team player on equal footing with everyone else. Yes, I want to lead, but primarily by example. Overall, the tests and the similarity in scores gave me a definite feeling of “self-adequacy, as the assessment of my communication competence were acceptable, and gives me a desire for self-improvement” (O’Hair & Weimann, 2012, p. 53).

I was also pleased to learn that I come across as confident and self-assured in my communications. While I scored myself as being at the mild level for communication anxiety, my evaluators scored me as being at the low anxiety level. I think this goes to show that we are often our toughest critics. I know that being comfortable communicating in a variety of situations will make it easier for me to build the kind of relationships I want with colleagues, parents, caregivers, and children.

This exercise demonstrated to me how important it is to effectively communicate so that people get from you what you want them to come away with. I want people to speak with me and walk away knowing I was listening and I heard them, even if I did not agree with them, according to my family member and colleague I do that. “I understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether I agree with them” (Walters & Fenson, 2000, p. 1). I know this is a rather corny cliché, but I want my communication and behavior to reflect who I am – what you see and hear is who I am. I never want to feel I need to put someone down to lift myself up or make someone’s ideas appear stupid to support my own ideas. I believe I have the communication skills and integrity to achieve this goal and successfully influence others and advocate for equity and social justice. I look forward to continued improvement of my communication skills to be a most effective leader and professional.

O’Hair, D. & Weimann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction (2^nd ed.). Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s

Walters, J., & Fenson, S. (2000). A crash course in communication. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html