Evaluating
My Communication Style
By
Lisa Martin
I have to admit I was very curious to see what my family
and colleagues thought of my communication style, if they thought I was overly
aggressive or nervous when I spoke. I was surprised to find that there was not
much difference in how I perceive my communication skills and how my sister and
co-worker rated them. I often think I come off too aggressive, but my
evaluators actually found me less moderately aggressive than I judged myself to
be. We were all within the moderate range, but they gave me lower scores. I was
glad to learn I am not the aggressor I thought I was, as this was a concern I
had as I contemplated how to better communicate with families and colleagues in
the early education field. I had always been told I have a tendency to be bossy,
and I want very much to be a team player on equal footing with everyone else.
Yes, I want to lead, but primarily by example. Overall, the tests and the
similarity in scores gave me a definite feeling of “self-adequacy, as the
assessment of my communication competence were acceptable, and gives me a
desire for self-improvement” (O’Hair & Weimann, 2012, p. 53).
I was also pleased to learn that I come across as
confident and self-assured in my communications. While I scored myself as being
at the mild level for communication anxiety, my evaluators scored me as being
at the low anxiety level. I think this goes to show that we are often our
toughest critics. I know that being comfortable communicating in a variety of
situations will make it easier for me to build the kind of relationships I want
with colleagues, parents, caregivers, and children.
This exercise demonstrated to me how important it is to
effectively communicate so that people get from you what you want them to come
away with. I want people to speak with me and walk away knowing I was listening
and I heard them, even if I did not agree with them, according to my family member
and colleague I do that. “I understand that people want to feel heard more than
they care about whether I agree with them” (Walters & Fenson, 2000, p. 1).
I know this is a rather corny cliché, but I want my communication and behavior
to reflect who I am – what you see and hear is who I am. I never want to feel I
need to put someone down to lift myself up or make someone’s ideas appear stupid
to support my own ideas. I believe I have the communication skills and
integrity to achieve this goal and successfully influence others and advocate
for equity and social justice. I look forward to continued improvement of my
communication skills to be a most effective leader and professional.
O’Hair, D. & Weimann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction (2nd
ed.). Boston, MA: Bedford/St.
Martin’s
Walters,
J., & Fenson, S. (2000). A crash course in communication. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html
Lisa,
ReplyDeleteI think we always tend to be more critical with ourselves. I agree with you in wanting to improve communication skills to reflect who we are on the inside. It sounds like your evaluators see the best in you and were able to reflect on who you are as a professional and as a person. Good luck to you as you continue to grow!
Maggie
It is so interesting to me that you had similar concerns of being aggressive. I thought the same thing about myself! I am so passionate and want to help so badly that, sometimes, I can come across as harsh. I know this about me and have been working to change it because people don't see my intentions, only my actions. I'm glad that you are also finding that you are not as aggressive as you thought. I think that confidence and the ability to speak up for what we believe in is important and will take us a long way in this field.
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