Adjourning the Team

                                      By Lisa Martin

There are times when I cannot wait for phase five of a project to occur – adjourning, the end, and there are times when I hate to see a project come to a close.  There was the class project with the lack of leadership and varying degrees of commitment from the members that I wanted to end as soon as it began; and when it finally was over adjournment was like high school graduation with the phony good wishes scribbled in a yearbook.  We all wished each other luck and success in our studies, and did not speak of the hurt feelings, control issues, or failure to complete tasks displayed during the project. We had received a decent grade and that was all that mattered.

Projects at work tend to adjourn a little differently, as the end of the project is not really the end. Usually someone is assigned to follow up and provide oversight on the implementation of changes and evaluate whether or not the solution derived from the group project works as well in practice as it seemed it would in theory. If it was a major project, the type that saved jobs or cut costs, adjourning may include a champagne toast and a nice dinner on the company. Company- wide projects sometimes have that graduation-like component as we bid farewell to colleagues from out of town, offering well wishes and congratulations on a job well done.

My favorite adjournments result from my preferred type of team endeavor, event planning. In this instance, the adjourning occurs simultaneously with the culmination of our efforts. At the same time we are enjoying the idea of the project being completed, we are discovering how well we did. The greater the success of our project; the more fun we have during the adjourning stage. I have had events that were great achievements, and the team members let their hair down and enjoyed themselves alongside the people for whom they had planned the celebration. In a couple of instances, the leadership provided the team with thank you gifts for a job well done; this is my favorite type of adjourning. I have also had events that did not turn out so well, and the team spent the evening going over the things that went wrong, why they went wrong, and how they could be corrected in the future. Needless to say, this is among my least favorite ways of adjourning.

Effective Communication and Conflict Resolution

                                                                   By Lisa Martin

I am enjoying mastering the art of effective communication, and would love to apply some of my recent lessons on nonviolent communication, the three R’s and the third side to current disagreements or conflicts. Fortunately, I have not been involved in any disagreements in months, which is especially hard to believe when you take into consideration I have been married for more than twenty years.  I think this has more to do with not working and having limited interaction with others outside the home, and less to do with my communication skills. I know of conflicts and disagreements around me, but am not involved first hand.  I will for this assignment take the part of one of the main characters in a conflict brought to my attention today by a friend. Like they say on television, the stories are true but the names have been changed to protect the innocent.

Every year the church has a Father’s Day celebration for the Pastor, a dinner usually at the home of a member with several families from the church attending. This year they decided to do something different and have a catered affair. Aretha and I have organized the event and gotten a caterer we know to give us a huge discount, so it will only cost $25/person. We also have to cover the cost of the Pastor’s family which would be an additional $100. We suggest that each of the five families attending, contribute an addition $20, and immediately get two cancellations. Now there is a big disagreement because the members do not want to pay for the Pastor’s family. Aretha has offered to pay the entire $100, but I am opposed to this because it is not fair to her. At this point we are simply trying to contain and hopefully resolve the situation with the next forty-eight hours.

One thing I realize right away is that we should have asked the families for suggestions and if each of them donating twenty more dollars was a feasible option, but we presented it more as a demand not giving any other option. We also failed to give any consideration to the possible validity of their opposition to paying for the Pastor’s children.  We never went to the balcony to get a new perspective. We are calling another meeting to discuss the arrangements and asking that the families that dropped out, and others who may want to participate also attend. We will assume the third side, asking open ended questions and seeking other ideas to cover the cost. We will also discuss the pros and cons of paying for the Pastor’s children. I think that once we openly discuss this rather small issue and hear the reasons for the objections, and respond to them with compassion and honesty we will be able to reach a compromise and resolve the situation. Rather than control the meeting Aretha and I will serve as objective mediators and bridge the gap to compromise, serving as peacemakers.

 

Evaluating My Communication Style

                                                By Lisa Martin

I have to admit I was very curious to see what my family and colleagues thought of my communication style, if they thought I was overly aggressive or nervous when I spoke. I was surprised to find that there was not much difference in how I perceive my communication skills and how my sister and co-worker rated them. I often think I come off too aggressive, but my evaluators actually found me less moderately aggressive than I judged myself to be. We were all within the moderate range, but they gave me lower scores. I was glad to learn I am not the aggressor I thought I was, as this was a concern I had as I contemplated how to better communicate with families and colleagues in the early education field. I had always been told I have a tendency to be bossy, and I want very much to be a team player on equal footing with everyone else. Yes, I want to lead, but primarily by example. Overall, the tests and the similarity in scores gave me a definite feeling of “self-adequacy, as the assessment of my communication competence were acceptable, and gives me a desire for self-improvement” (O’Hair & Weimann, 2012, p. 53).

I was also pleased to learn that I come across as confident and self-assured in my communications. While I scored myself as being at the mild level for communication anxiety, my evaluators scored me as being at the low anxiety level. I think this goes to show that we are often our toughest critics. I know that being comfortable communicating in a variety of situations will make it easier for me to build the kind of relationships I want with colleagues, parents, caregivers, and children.

This exercise demonstrated to me how important it is to effectively communicate so that people get from you what you want them to come away with. I want people to speak with me and walk away knowing I was listening and I heard them, even if I did not agree with them, according to my family member and colleague I do that. “I understand that people want to feel heard more than they care about whether I agree with them” (Walters & Fenson, 2000, p. 1). I know this is a rather corny cliché, but I want my communication and behavior to reflect who I am – what you see and hear is who I am. I never want to feel I need to put someone down to lift myself up or make someone’s ideas appear stupid to support my own ideas. I believe I have the communication skills and integrity to achieve this goal and successfully influence others and advocate for equity and social justice. I look forward to continued improvement of my communication skills to be a most effective leader and professional.

O’Hair, D. & Weimann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction (2^nd ed.). Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s

Walters, J., & Fenson, S. (2000). A crash course in communication. Retrieved from http://www.inc.com/articles/2000/08/20000.html

 

 

Ways to Improve My Communications

                                                          By Lisa Martin

I am learning so much about the art of effective communication, and my shortcomings as a communicator. This course is making me pay closer attention to how I speak and listen to others, and I am discovering I am not the great communicator I thought myself to be. For years, my family and close friends have told me I have different styles of speech depending on to who I am speaking, which I adamantly denied. Now I listen to me and I know exactly to what they refer. My speech takes on a more sophisticated and structured form when I am discussing business or simply at work. At work I operate from a position of centralized power. On the other hand, when I get around my family power is of little importance and my tone is more relaxed, with less attention paid to vocabulary choices and grammar. When I am around just my girlfriends or a group of younger people I tend to use slang and try very hard to sound cool and worldly. I think that these communication changes from group to group make me a more effective communicator with each particular group. Most importantly, I am always listening to those around me, and believe I am a good listener.

As I consider ways to improve my communication, listening is not an area I will be focusing on, although I know there is room for improvement. My first strategy for improving my communication skills will be to get a better handle on my use of body language. I would like to begin with controlling or eliminating some of my adaptors. I sometimes unconsciously repeatedly tuck my hair behind my ears or brush back my bangs though it is uncalled for; it is a sort of nervous reaction when I am talking to a client. I also tend to shake or bounce one leg during difficult negotiations.  I believe these physical gestures are seen for what they are a lack of certainty at that moment, and in order to be perceived as totally confident I need to control them. I also need to work on my masking skills. People can often take one look at me and know something is bothering me or I do not agree with what they are saying. It will serve me well when speaking with families and colleagues within the early childhood field if my “expression represented an appropriate feeling or response to any given interaction” (O’Hair & Weimann, 2012, p. 136).

The area I want to focus on the most for improvement is cultural context and intercultural communication competence. I need to understand how different identities and schema may influence the reception of my messages by others. If I am to be a successful anti-bias early educator, I must be able to speak to people in a way that will result in the most positive perception and reception of my ideas. “This calls for constant self-reflection and the ability to reflect on influences and the nature of the influences themselves” (Vuckovic, 2008, p. 48). I will need to study the behaviors of different cultures, and understand the history behind beliefs and customs. If I listen well enough and ask the right questions, I will gather enough knowledge of others to be able to ascertain what they might want and what is most important to them. This knowledge will allow me to use the platinum rule on occasion.

I want very much to support the children and families I serve, by improving their equity and quality of life. I want to be able to lead by example through my advocacy and teach them to advocate and stand up for their children. The only way I can achieve these goals is by constantly working to become a more effective communicator, competent in intercultural communications.

O’Hair, D. & Weimann, M. (2012). Real communication: An introduction (2^nd ed.). Boston, MA: Bedford/St. Martin’s.

Vuckovic, A. (2008). Inter-cultural communication: A foundation of communicative action. Multicultural Education and Technology Journal, 2(1), 47–59.

 

 

 

 

 

Turn Up the Volume Please – Maybe Not

                                      By Lisa Martin

These communication blogs are becoming quite challenging. I watch a good deal of television, but this week I had to watch a show I had never seen, without sound. The only thing I like to watch without sound is some ball games because the commentators are annoying. I was also not interested in watching a new show. I chose a program called Family Tools, because an actress from an old show I liked stars in it. It is a thirty minute sitcom, and after a great deal of rewinding this is what I deduced without sound.

The show begins with an older man lying on kitchen floor with his hand on his chest – perhaps he fell or is having a heart attack. A younger man and woman go about getting breakfast, all while an intense disagreement is taking place. I know they are arguing because the old man is yelling and the woman is using exaggerated facial expressions to convey her disappointment and disgust, her nonverbal cues include eye rolling, head shaking and finger pointing. She is also doing some sort of negotiating with the older man as I see paramedics waiting for ok to enter home, and she holds up her hand in a wait gesture and looks to old man for a response. I never knew I could read so much from the body language and facial expressions of others. I see the sarcasm in the woman’s face, as well as the exasperation in the man’s face.

As I continue to watch the program, I deduce that the older man is reluctantly handing over the family business to his son due to health issues. He does not seem to have much confidence in his son, and they do not communicate, the aunt is always playing arbitrator. They have a handy man type business, and between the few employees and potential customers they are surrounded by some interesting and eccentric characters. The son’s assistant is of little help, as in one scene he is holding a puppy, which I think the son is trying to get him to get rid of, while the truck is being robbed. The attractive young woman who works in the shop flirts with the son. Of course, I would have had a much better idea of what was happening were this a program I had seen before or better yet watched regularly.

I actually did pretty well without any sound. The younger woman is the old man’s sister and he is having a heart attack. She is denying him medical attention until he agrees to retire and take care of himself, so I was correct about the negotiating. The old man reluctantly hands the repair business over to his son. The son and the assistant are a pair of incompetents, who constantly argue; rather than really communicate with each other they talk about the other in their presence to third parties via cell phones, pretending they are talking about someone else. The sister is extremely sarcastic, and because it’s television her facial expressions are overemphasized. I found the show to be stupid and far from funny, and expect it to be canceled quickly.

On the other hand, I learned people say a lot without speaking. The affect displays, kinesics, and illustrators seemed magnified, but that may be a by-product of bad acting. A horrible show is equally bad with or without sound, actually it was a bit better in silence, as you can only guess at the corniness of the lines being spoken.

My Idea of a Great Communicator

                                                By Lisa Martin

I am taking a course in communication this semester and have been asked to blog about someone whose communication skills I admire. My first thought was to go with a historical figure like Gandhi or Mother Theresa or even President Obama, but I have never had a conversation with any of them and decided to look closer to home. I chose my Uncle Junior because he had a way of speaking that made the listener feel important and special, while coming across as both knowledgeable and compassionate. Whether he was lecturing his daughter’s date or explaining to me how to choose the right college he was authoritative, yet caring, with a sense of humor.

One minute he could be spouting technical terms and giving instructions to one of the IT guys, and the next he could be explaining to me what he had just told the person to do in language that I fully understood. He was also a great listener. People sometimes forget the importance of listening in communication.  Sometimes, he would let me go on and on about something or someone, and then tell me in such a nice and non-judgmental way that I was wrong or I had not handled the situation correctly. My uncle had to operate in many different realms of communication both professionally and personally, like many of us, and he transitioned from one to another without pause or incident. He went from managing dozens of highly skilled computer geeks, to counseling incarcerated young men, to escorting my cousin to her debutante ball, to drinking with the guys, and everyone understood him and he understood them.

You may not always agree with what he was saying, but you respected him. He did not always agree with you, but he respected your right to your opinion and always demonstrated the compassion or empathy the listener deserved.  He was quick to stop you midsentence if you were making inflammatory or derogatory comments about an individual or group not present to defend themselves. He had no tolerance for bigotry or the spreading of gossip. My uncle was an imposing figure of a man, a former Marine standing at about six feet four inches, but his words gave him all the power and strength he ever needed.

My Professional Hopes and Goals

                                                By Lisa Martin

It is my hope that as an anti-bias early childhood educator and an advocate for children and families everywhere I will be able to contribute to the emergence of a more tolerant and equitable society. It is my hope that I along with my devoted colleagues and classmates will be able to impact change from every corner of the globe. I accept that change does not occur overnight or in a vacuum, but I believe as Louise Derman-Sparks that it is our vision of a better more peaceful world, where equity and justice are available to all humankind, that generates the passion and motivation to keep us striving towards its fulfillment (Laureate Education, 2011).

It is my goal to be the type of early education professional that is able to work with and support children and families from all over the world, as I create an anti-bias classroom that embraces diversity. I will be a teacher who knows herself well enough to make sure her cultural framework never interferes with her ability to make others feel at ease in her presence, and allows her cultural responsiveness shine through in every situation. I want young children and their families to be at home in my classroom. I intend to partner with families and empower them to advocate for the best possible outcomes for their children. I will work towards greater equity and social justice for the children and families I serve.

My passion has grown over the past eight weeks as I have witnessed the passion of my classmates. My peers shared their experiences and thoughts with me in a most unselfish way, driving me to do the same. It is them that helped me perform the deep self-reflection I needed to really understand who I am, and examine the feelings I had internalized and buried so deep I was able to ignore them. We as a group were fortunate to have a professor who inspired greater critical thinking and made sure we always took a broader view of any subject. I want to thank my classmates for teaching me about their countries and cultures, and taking the time to read my blog and offer insights.

Laureate Education, Inc. (Producer). (2011). Diversity and equity work: Lessons learned. [Video webcast]. Retrieved from                                                                                              https://class.waldenu.edu/webapps/portal/frameset.jsp?tab_tab_group_id=_2_1&url=%2Fwebapps%2Fblackboard%2Fexecute%2Flauncher%3Ftype%3DCourse %26id%3D2651 0391%26url%3D